Like many new beginnings this one starts with an ending. Last Friday the Bishop walked into my office and she told me that she was letting me go. I was told it was for financial reasons. The irony was that I and my team had just increased giving by over 12% or $130,000. There was more then enough room in the budget in many places. In the past I had even tried repeatedly to tell her about ways that we could raise not just finances, but in the process communicate the mission of the church and invite people to be a part of it. Each time though I was shut down. Also ironically just before the Bishop had come into my office I had been working with one of the people I supervised and she was telling me about how she was becoming passionate about the work of justice and caring for others. I was overjoyed. To add insult to injury I had just been reviewing the Bishop's presentation which she will be giving at our synod conventions which she had sent to us for feedback, it lifts up precisely what I taken the lead on developing a national homelessness initiative and our national Stewardship of Creation Initiative. For years I have given my life to serve the church because I had faith that through it healing could come to our broken world. What I have seen over that time is a mixture of the sheer beauty of some of the loving and committed people who still dare to live in the hope of what the church could be. I have also seen so much which speaks of the churches utter corruption, its loss of vision and most sadly, it has forgotten at its very heart what God has called it to be. For the last year and a half I was invited to help one small church remember. Then I was viciously tossed away like a piece of garbage. I am left with unspeakable pain.
I am also born to a reforming tradition. I am a person God has called and God's people have called me. What I have seen leads me to honesty say, the church has lost its way. It has chosen again and again to destroy God's children instead of building them up. It has become for centuries now been not the liberator of the oppressed, but oh so often the oppressor and that which distracts people from justice and their healing. Most importantly it is a church which has forgotten how to listen.
Now I, like so many others of my generation, I am leaving the church. I am leaving not out of indifference, but because I have faith in God and because I not only believe that God is a God of justice and compassion I have walked with this God all my life.
Now like may God has called in the past I have been called to wander. To seek God and to follow. This blog is my attempt to share the wandering with others, so that perhaps we might be able to wander together to find a place were we can again gather as a people; encounter the living God; to honestly talk of our journeys and shared God's healing love in the world. God is around us, among us, and with in us. Maranatha, Maranatha.
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5 comments:
Ryan, I have been constantly thinking of you, and agree with your comments about organized religion. God touches me every day through personal experiences, through breaths of wind and in my babies eyes. I am more moved by the people in and around me than I have ever been by any of the chruches I have attended. In fact, when I attend a church, more often than not, I leave feeling lonely, frustrated, irritated and sometimes angry. A sad thing to realize, is taht I am happier in my life NOT attending a church. This is not to say that I am not a christian, but does say that in my experiences, christianity in a church is a show more than a real feeling, open, honest love. You found a church in a coffee shop! a place where people can openly share, get encouragement, understanding and acceptance. i think that churches around the world should spend more time in coffee shops!!!!!
Ryan, I was devestated when I found out this week that your position--and you personally, were eliminated from our church. I found the work you were doing truly, in your words, "a sign of hope" that the ELCiC was beginning to embrace a new vision of what church could be--a place of witness and healing and resurection. Peace and grace be upon you, as you wait and listen for God's call. If you're ever in T.O. this summer, look me up at Sanctuary.
Didn't church begin in people's homes? I love having church in my living room, or on the corner of mainstreet, having a great conversation that reveals God's glory.
God's ways are not ours. Our idea of organization often doesn't leave room for Him to freely work in His wonderful, mysterious way....
One thing I learn over and over, is that I am not the only imperfect person in the world. I'm surrounded by them! Remembering this helps me not to let my expectations get too high. I also really appreciate it, because when great things happen, it makes it more obvious to me that it's only God in us that brings any good to this world.
I really appreciate your honesty in this blog Ryan. Transparency has amazing power! Watch and see what God will do through this...
Ryan, I found your blog from your facebook page. I had no idea that you had been let go. I'm so sorry to hear about it. I enjoyed our chats at the MNO study conference and I was hopeful and excited that someone so passionate was working at the national church level. I'm sad to hear that just over 6 months later you're no longer there. Blessings on the next step in your journey. I look forward to hearing more about your journey here on this blog.
Ryan, I have just read your blog --and the comments --with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I am so, so sorry about what has happened. You speak the truth about what is happening in the church and among many of our young people. Our church has incurred a devastating loss. You and Susie are in our thoughts (almost constantly) and prayers. Don and Jo
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